What's a white girl to do?

by Morwen Two Feathers

The personal search for an authentic spirituality is quite a challenge in this culture. Available mainstream models provide precious little inspiration for living a conscious life in harmony with All That Is. Western "civilization" is built upon the separation of humanity from Nature, and further upon the separation of man from woman and man from man. Autonomy and independence are prized while interdependence and connection are seen as somehow immature, yet independence to the point of deviation from the norm quickly brings pressure to conform. The "progress" of western culture is based on using things up and throwing them away. A spiritual life in harmony with the Earth does not fit the dominant paradigm.

Growing up Jewish, it was very clear to me that I was somehow outside the mainstream. Although I did not personally face much prejudice or hatred, I was always aware that the privilege I enjoyed was fragile and could be withdrawn at any time. All my grandparents had immigrated to this country from Eastern Europe, fleeing pogroms and other expressions of hatred directed at them because they were Jews. My family taught me to appreciate the freedom we enjoyed to follow our traditions and religion, but not to take it for granted. So my sense of society as a place that is not necessarily fair or equally respectful of everyone took root early, and when I later became aware of racism and other forms of oppression it was not hard to see how such inequality is deeply embedded in the history and culture of the western world.

In my teenage years I also came to realize that the Jewish religion was the first, the original exaltation of the Father-god at the expense of the Mother, the Earth, and the feminine in general. The worldview of the Jewish patriarchs, that God created the Earth for the use of Man, is the cornerstone upon which western culture's disconnection from the Mother is built. And while I did (and still do) value many of the family and cultural traditions of my Jewish upbringing, I could not find spiritual sustenance in a religion that denied the divinity of the feminine. At first I rejected religion completely, but by the time I was twenty I found myself searching for a Path that would speak to my spirit and my heart as well as my mind.

My quest over the last twenty years has covered a lot of ground, literally and figuratively. For the first principle that became clear to me as I patiently stripped away the layers of what I was supposed to believe and learned to listen to my heart and my inner voice, is that the Earth is sacred. As I learned to trust my intuition and my inner truth, I remembered the communion I experienced as a child with trees, plants, and animals in the wood behind my childhood home. I remembered the clear and direct perception of the energy that links all things, and saw how that knowledge was pushed aside by the pressure to conform in school, to "grow up". Reclaiming that knowledge and that connection with the Earth was mostly a matter of creating sacred space free of the distractions and expectations of the "mainstream world" and allowing the truth to surface. But this is easier said than done. I needed support for this work, and began investigating spiritual traditions and paths, seeking tools and practices that would help me find my center and walk in balance towards my higher purpose.

My first connection to Earth-based spirituality was not to the Native American traditions at all, but to the Celtic Old Religion, often called Witchcraft or the Craft. This path looks to the pre-Christian European agrarian cultures and religious practices for its inspiration. (Debate rages about whether this tradition descends directly from these ancestors or whether it has been reconstructed in modern times; this debate is irrelevant to the recognition that the roots of the tradition are pre-Christian and European.) The basic principles of the tradition spoke eloquently to me in their simplicity: The Earth, along with everything in the Universe, is sacred, everything is interconnected, everything is alive. The circle and the four directions contain and shape the energy that moves through our lives. By attuning to the cycles of the seasons, the moon, and indeed, the cyclical nature of all life, we can learn to walk in balance and harmony.

The worldview, symbols, and ritual forms of the Craft guided me along my path for a long way. Yet I continued to investigate a variety of traditions, to seek other voices to speak to my spirit. Perhaps this seeking was originally motivated by my lack of personal ancestral connection to the Celtic cultural context of the Craft; it was sustained by my intellectual curiosity and further stimulated by my entering a life partnership with a Wampanoag man. As I explored the great variety of Earth-based or pagan paths from cultures all over the planet I began to see, or rather, feel the underlying universal heartbeat pulsing through all of them.

The intellectual pursuit and earnest study of comparative religion and spiritual traditions provides great background and context, but by itself does not create an authentic spiritual practice. In translating knowledge and ideas into practice, I found it essential to listen to my heart and trust my intuition about what works to bring me into deep connection with All That Is. What emerged from the fertile soil of sacred Earth is an eclectic practice that draws from several traditions. And so I find myself in the vortex of controversy about who may legitimately follow what Path, and whether it is disrespectful to take elements of spiritual practice out of their original cultural contexts.

My heart resonates with the wisdom and truth of the Native Way, the spirituality of the land that nurtured me as a child and does still. My body and soul resonate with the rhythms of Africa, original home of humans on this planet. My spirit shines in the light of the Goddess, who reflects my divinity back to myself. I do not presume to be Indian or African or imagine myself a reincarnated priestess of ancient times. I am simply a seeker of Truth, and I have found it in many places.

At the heart of all the Earth-based spiritual traditions I have learned about is something my friend and colleague Karen Berggren calls "core shamanism". This is the experience of accessing non-ordinary reality in service to higher purpose, healing and the good of the community. In the realm of non-ordinary reality, or ecstasy, the interconnection of all things and the sacredness of everything is a palpable fact. Once experienced, the ecstasy of spirit cannot be ignored or forgotten. One's inextricable connection to All That Is and responsibility to the Earth and all Her creatures becomes clear.

The most powerful tool for accessing the ecstatic realm that I have found is the drum. Rhythm is the ecology of All That Is, the rhythms of sun and moon and seasons, the rhythms of our heartbeat and breath and the life and death of all living creatures, the rhythms of sound and light waves and of electrons spinning around the nuclei of atoms. Each creature and thing in the Universe pulses with a rhythm, and these rhythms weave together into the complex polyrhythm, the Eco-rhythm of the Universe itself.

I have found that by drumming I can lose myself, my ego, into the Eco-rhythm of All That Is. With the drum I can weave my consciousness in and out and around the boundaries of ordinary reality, and access the ecstatic realm. And when I do this I know I am standing on the shoulders of many ancestors from many cultures. These ancestors may not be mine in blood, but they are in spirit. The ecstatic technology of the drum has been known to people all over this planet for as long as humans have struggled to find meaning in existence.

I have borrowed shamelessly from many cultures in my quest. I have learned and worked with rhythms from Africa and the Caribbean. I have sought purification in Native sweat lodges, and danced to the Goddess under the full moon. I have received guidance from many sources, some wearing the faces of animals and others the names of deities from cultures long dead. And along my Path I have encountered many like me, seeking an authentic spirituality grounded not in believing but in knowing that all things are connected, that one's own heartbeat is the Eco-rhythm of the Universe.

I have compounded what some would find the sin (or at best the mistake) of eclectic spirituality by teaching this approach to others. I have taken on what is to me the sacred task of creating opportunities for people from all walks of life to come into relationship with the drum, and through the drum to Spirit. I have counseled and supported others to hear and trust their inner voice, created safe sacred spaces for those voices to emerge, and taught by example the joys and challenges of following one's own Path. In so doing I believe I am helping to create the critical mass of consciousness that is needed to turn humanity away from the disaster that we've been heading for, the disaster created by the disconnection from nature and the feminine that is exalted by the cultures of what is ethnocentrically known as the "First World". In this work I am ally to all who are working to restore balance, harmony, and healing to the human tribe on this planet.

I believe that each individual may be in direct connection to Spirit, without intermediaries or the sanction of elders. Yet no disrespect of elders is intended, and I honor the importance of preserving cultural integrity. Therefore, I seek to learn from elders of the traditions that inspire me, and I never claim to be teaching the ways of a culture not my own; I do not call myself a shaman (though my practice is shamanic in nature), lead Native ceremonies or lodges, or otherwise pass myself off as an initiate in any specific tradition.

Native Americans do not have a monopoly on shamanism or earth-based spirituality. This spirituality has existed in cultures all over the planet, including in Europe. The same culture that has systematically repressed the earth-based spirituality of Native Americans (and other indigenous people around the world) also repressed the earth-based spirituality of Europe, over a thousand years before the white man first encountered the people of Turtle Island. White people in the world today have an awesome task in front of us: to find our way to an authentic spirituality in connection with All That Is, in order to contribute to healing the damage that has been done to the planet in our name. The remnants of the earth-based spiritual path of our ancestors are few, even fewer than those of Native Americans after several hundred years of oppression. For those of us taking on this task, the support and alliance of our Earth-spirited indigenous brothers and sisters is important beyond measure. We are all one, all have the same stake in healing the planet that is our home.

I do not mean to minimize the challenge of balancing respect for the integrity of cultural traditions with the pursuit of the heart-guided Path. Meeting this challenge is ongoing work for me, and I appreciate each voice in this conversation and acknowledge each as my teacher. If you must judge me, I ask that you judge my heart, and do so with yours open. It is my highest prayer that we may learn and grow together, and that all our efforts unite in service to healing and peace.

 Morwen Two Feathers is co-founder and director of Earth Drum Council. This article was published in Wildfire: Journal of Native American Spirituality, Volume 7 #2, Spring 1996. c. Morwen Two Feathers 1996